Snow Angel even your father raped me and I lost you. I never once hated you, I love you always. I wish you were here but I know you are in a better place and are needed elsewhere.
In May 2007 I lost my 1st child, one I didn't know about till it was too late. I will see you again my lil one one and may heaven be special place for you. You are with my bother/sister? who was miscarried March 17, 1985. My mom had me August 27, 1986, exactly 3 weeks from hers on August 6. I miss you guys both and sorry I never got to see you.
I named Snow for many reasons more that later. One is I see animals and humans the same and give human names to pets and you get the idea. Also Snow is a now Character in Final Fantasy 13. Fate cause I love video games.
My story: At parts it reads like a letter okay? :
3 years ago Time to be brave and Speak Out More
Sat Mar 13, 2010, 6:01 PM
Time to be brave and Speak Out More
Current mood: accomplished
Been off: http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v519/sagesaria/?action=view¤t=Myspace9-17-09.jpg lol logs once every half a year it seems.
I'm speaking out thanks to true friends of Alex Arcisz, and my dear friends. This for them and you Alex. I know you want to change. I have been too quite and acted far too long.
Away since Molly said her 1st kiss was Alex James Arcisz , he was mine (adult) well only he grabbed my breast and forced kiss me while I was stunned. ...(1st kiss was with a 5 year old when I was 4 or 5 guess which is better.)
http://horseelena.deviantart.com/art/My-whatever-me-in-Newbury-MA-56098394
I keep that up to remind me. Even if it was gone I would never forget.
I'll put in 1st rape as well. Trust me I'm not the only victim here, but only rape I know. Sexual abuse was many years before I met him. Warning he was self hurting as well many years back.
No Alex James Arcisz this going down cause you had to tell complete strangers my case and you just don't do that. On any site or the online game SL (Second Life). Also you had no right to message or stalk me after May 2007 .
Plus you kept me from going to the local Crime Victims Center or even going to Church at times, you knew I needed serious help not only for the rape with you (only saw him for 3 days was gonna be a week but you know, I had to go the hospital) but for another a year and half after you. (only met that guy for less than 4 hours. Ran away faster. ) I still have trouble even kissing men. My boyfriend 1st all I did in college at 18 years old was hold hands. The boy was a year older than me and vice President of the Anime Club there . We met in a Japanese Culture class. ^_^ He would wear cat/fox ears to class and even a tail.
You kept saying I'll get trouble if you go to the hospital. Sorry but when you push someone into a desk , Alex you need to help them. Not panic and stare mostly. He did help me a lil. My sister was sick from travel so don't blame her for anything. He only called for her help after I woke up and then 10 min had a seizure. (had them since 17) I am the only girl who is smart enough to run at 3 days (sadly no other girl for real does that) . You even slapped a past girlfriend. He pushed me to keep me from telling a girl about what he was doing. I should of borrowed his phone and called her, lol while he was cheating and typing to her in the same room as me. He didn't notice or mind me reading off his shoulder. Later he would look at pictures of me while she was there more that a year later despite warnings from other girls and me. No way would of talked to him then and I didn't.
The Native Americans have many names for Snow. Snow melts away, my maybe unborn child (children? who knows twins ect.) it was a month and half. 1st skipped period since 16. Started at 12 and cause pre-diabetic since childhood, skipped a lot till finding the right pills. Anyway I had many dreams and one was a child playing with a Snow Leopard. I don't know if it was a boy or girl. I met Alex in winter it snowed a lot when I left on March 16, 2007 and the baby was due in winter. A mother never forgets. I do not for the danger I was in not telling him and only my doctor. Was gonna tell at 3 months (to be sure) and plus the girl he cheated while I was there online, year younger said the rape was my fault so you know. Stay far away from both.
March 16, 2007 was 10 years when a dear friend Tucker died (a black lab): http://horseelena.deviantart.com/art/Tucker-12381246 Also today I found my mom had her only miscarriage (about a year before she had me) March 17, 1985.
(takes Metformin and was only taking that when I met him...added so much more a year later major PTS [post traumatic stress (disorder)] http://www.medicinenet.com/posttraumatic_stress_disorder/article.htm
The case went to the DA without medical evidence. They didn't want me to go to trial due to stress on my part and partly I didn't want one. I called for major help which I got.
Yeah when doctor's say it was 90% chance of miscarriage. *sighs* You ran away without knowing for sure. You also hinted that you knew.
No I didn't tell really (gave loud hints) him till Spring/summer 2009. Two years later.
You never rape a women never.
This is a warning to all girls. Stay away. He has a record.
Here's a question should there be a trail? Even some of his friends said to call police. I did again for major help for him and me.
Also people trust me I am not doing this to make him look bad, he did that fine before and after me. He needs no help in that.
This is 3 years since I met him and what was strange it was Sunny and warm when I came and turned to blizzard when left.
He lied that his parents knew I and my sister was coming for visit. I though they would of been there at 1st actually or when I left. (sorry I had to leave and not stay as planned at a hotel) It would of made no difference if he met me in Southern Calforina (where I grew up and was born) or Pennsylvania. He has Spina Bifida ( http://horseelena.deviantart.com/art/My-whatever-me-in-Newbury-MA-56098394) However can walk and I was in Special ED growing up longer for a way different reason. (you're more behind if you don't speak till 3)
Also now you can say it has been a few years not when it's a year and half.
*sighs* Thank you and at times I regret not running sooner.
I met him on DA and had much nicer blog in May 2007 only said he cheated. Alex said that ex girl after me was an idiot / git for bugging me for that and the picture (which stays always). You don't bug girls who are trying to run away. She was horrible and Alex had to run away from her. O_O
comment on it: Answer to question. I will need surgery later on in life due hitting the desk with the back of my neck and whiplash on the back of my head. People still feel the mark and yes it still hurts. I want no money, nothing from this guy expect he change for the better.
He had quick relexes though and grabed me so I wouldn't fall on the ground from that but landed on his foot. I would never fall in love with him if he was all bad, however I was sick of him and his family denying or ignoring this. They are even cold to him. It's horrible, he needs help and love. Not what they have given him.
As you know this still pretty raw and I have gotten help for it. Also Alex has said sorry over and over again but last time I spoke to him he was verbally abusive.
Comments by friends and this can be seen : http://horseelena.deviantart.com/journal/30879192/ or http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendId=198433537&blogId=530903065
Wow, a lot of stuff sure has happened within your life. Always keep your head up. Never let anyone steal your power that you hold. ^^
(Btw, Second Life? I play too Mystic Mistwalker is me)
--
"The stars twinkle above as the wind slowly wipes at my face. I look inward at the darkened forest, blanketed by the dark blue sky and know I am home." ~Mystic Sabreonic
Reply
~HorseElena Mar 24, 2010
Thank you it means a lot to me. It's friends that help but let me stand on my own two feet. I was still a virgin (I never let them have that, it was only a partial rape meaning I fought back and they couldn't get in, a girls muscles can do that. ) You fight back no matter (however if he's hurting you depends) what scream or cry. You just have to get away. I don't get it. Why they want this at all and I just met them in person. *sighs* I did some stuff I do regret but lessons are learned.
(Oh he played it, I never really played but I do play for friends. He never wanted me to tell my side of the story to these people in fact he never told me his SL name and I didn't want it, and they started calling me bad things and such cause of it but not to my face. If my friends called him something bad I let him knew and besides I told all bad stuff to his face. He admitted he was a bad person and last I heard working with police. Which is a good thing and he is getting help. Still I was self-hurting myself (I haven't for over a year now and won't again) only weeks before he joined SL and then started talking about the other rape and such to strangers or people he just met. It was awful, worst it was at a Christian sites there. I know you play.. I'll send a note with my character's name.)
Part of me just wanted this to stay private.
--
Always a friend to a Zelda fan who is kind and good of heart,
Saria (Maria) My Zelda account:~Zeldagirl86 Sisters: ~Princesses-of-Heart ~pinkfloydmadchen
Saria, Epona + Jim Henson Clubs:~Saria-Club~Epona-Club+~Jim-Henson-Fan-Club
Reply
~DrMario64 Mar 24, 2010
You are most welcome and I cannot begin to imagine how horrible that must have been. You stood your ground and fought back and that's what really matters. Lessons are learned, you are very right. I am glad that you have the courage to actually tell people about it all. Sometimes just letting it off your chest makes a world of difference. ^^
Awesome, thanks for letting me know your name. I'll add you to my friends list and I promise you'll have nothing but fun when hanging with me . The bad times are over, now let the good ones begin!!
--
"The stars twinkle above as the wind slowly wipes at my face. I look inward at the darkened forest, blanketed by the dark blue sky and know I am home." ~Mystic Sabreonic
Reply
~HorseElena Apr 5, 2010
I just feel sad for the girls who don't get help or aren't brave enough to talk about it. Some will take it to the grave. With any problem talking to someone you trust really helps. I never let anyone push me over or get me down ever since I was lil and bullied for being short and in Special Ed. A positive attitude is always the best way to go.
Yes the bad times are way over, I have 4 awesome cats and great friends like you. I had to be off for the week of Easter, I hope you had a Happy Easter.
I see you around .
--
Always a friend to a Zelda fan who is kind and good of heart,
Saria (Maria) My Zelda account:~Zeldagirl86 Sisters: ~Princesses-of-Heart ~pinkfloydmadchen
Saria, Epona + Jim Henson Clubs:~Saria-Club~Epona-Club+~Jim-Henson-Fan-Club
Reply
~DrMario64 Apr 5, 2010
That's great news!!! I hope you have a wnderful Easter and keep looking on the bright side!
--
"The stars twinkle above as the wind slowly wipes at my face. I look inward at the darkened forest, blanketed by the dark blue sky and know I am home." ~Mystic Sabreonic
~HorseElena Mar 20, 2010
Also I did tell my mother, the doctor and her were the ones who knew and such. I was gonna have the baby if it survived or if it even was a baby (false ones can happen). I was told by several medical staff and doctors to keep away from him and the girl for my own health. I did and I am glad. I could of miscarried sooner if I did and didn't go on bed rest.
I don't hate Alex just like many girls is very sad for him.
and from myspace:
Maria
Maria Frantz
Answer to question. I will need surgery later on in life due hitting the desk with the back of my neck and whiplash on the back of my head. People still feel the mark and yes it still hurts. I want no money, nothing from this guy expect he change for the better.
He had quick relexes though and grabed me so I wouldn't fall on the ground from that but landed on his foot. I would never fall in love with him if he was all bad, however I was sick of him and his family denying or ignoring this. They are even cold to him. It's horrible, he needs help and love. Not what they have given him.
Posted by Maria on Saturday, March 13, 2010 - 5:44 PM
[Reply to this]
あまんだ
Amanda McIntyre
..I'm sorry that this happened to you, you never deserved something like that T^T Your story is just so sad... I really hope that one day you find a great guy to love. *hug*
Posted by あまんだ on Sunday, March 14, 2010 - 3:10 AM
[Reply to this]
Maria
Maria Frantz
Thanks Amanda :D. No one does, even the guy who did this to me. Even if I don't I will be happy, besides I rather know sorrow before joy. *hugs* Just you know having your cat (pet) die so much worst than losing your virginity to rape. (though most say I am still one due I fought and always said no..never a yes! Never. Noes all the way.) March is horrible for us...March 11 RIP Mischief, you and Chripy April 11. Also Tucker.
I would gladly die for an animal or child. *glomp* You are such a true friend not only to my lil sister, but to me as well. You are like a dear sister to us and more.
Posted by Maria on Monday, March 15, 2010 - 10:51 AM
[Reply to this]
I posted the comments cause those mean so much to me. :D I have awesome friends.
I forgive Alex for what he has done and hope he changes. Saul /Paul was a murder and he changed so can Alex.
Also I know Snow doesn't him hate so why should I? Jesus is about love and caring. :D
I learned much and look forward to seeing my lil baby with her Aunt or Uncle one day.
That is a pic I took going away from Alex. I wanted to have the last memory of me smiling. I didn't fully understand what he had done and I was kinda looney due to blood loss and injuries. Also I wanted to get as far away as possible with out him attacking me again. I did call the police and the case is still being shorted out.
Snow I wish your father wasn't such a jerk, the other girl didn't yell at me while pregnant and I hope you were happy in my belly the time you were there.
You are very loved and missed dear one. *hugs*
My seizures affect the way I talk and think. Sorry any spelling or gammer mistakes.
A year later a stray came and gave birth 4 strays born at my neighbors house since she already had 2 cats. My 2 sisters and I took them in 2 years ago, 3 black boys and one cow black and white female. I wish I could have more but I do what can. They are fixed and doing fine. These are my babies for now. God will bless me in many other ways till I am married and ready to have children.
I volunteer at animal shelters and programs when I can. Help with neighbor kids and babysit when I can as well. I just had 4 kittens I was foster caring. The 2 males are gray tigers and one has white paws. The one without white paws as a heart murmur but that is common in kittens and usually goes alway by the time they are adults.
The females are lovely black and one is the Tuxedo kind with white paws and chest. They all have been adopted. :D Also special the one with the murmur well the owner's sister has one two. LOL She named that one Alex, funny how fate goes you know? Aww she just lost her cat to a sickness that week as well, had to put him to sleep. Human or animal a lost is always dear to our hearts and hard to deal with.
*huggles*
Also friends and family helped as well. Alex's old Church Our Savior Lutheran Church in MA ( Lutheran http://www.oslcma.com/ ) is behind me a 100%, he left it cause another ex was there and to go back to parents one. Also is mine so is St. Nicholas (Russian Orthodox) in Coatesville, PA (mine doesn't have a website but heres the and http://theologian.org/cms/ my Church in CA: St. John the Theologian in San Juan Capistrano. :D
To Snow
Snow happy ending. Mom is healing and she has a boyfriend of
6 months now (known for over a year). He has cats like her enough though she's more of a dog person. XD Daniel loves you and wishes he could of met you and would of taken you as his own as many guys I have met. You are very loved and missed by all. Wait for me. :D Also the police are watching your dad so he doesn't hurt anyone any more okay? Let's hope he changes for the better. I see him like Darth Vader from Star Wars, yes good in him, but he has to show it.
I will have a meromal serivce done one day in your name in Southern CA (where I hoped you would be born like I was) and one done where I was raped in Boxford or the nearest church to it. ^_^ Family and friends of all welcome. Also I hope Alfina (Chirpy, nickname, RIP April 11, 2009, hit by a car and not even a year old. Aunt Rachel made a video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j9F4tOGDzXc) We will make one for you one day. It's still very hard for mommy, cause you were so distroyed by the infection....I couldn't bear to lift you from the totiet..and I lost it it. Mommy is sorry she hurt herself in 2008 cause of all this, she just needed help and she did call 911 on herself. She got help. :D You pray for me as I do for you. Pray for daddy too. I wish we didn't have so many med problems. I wish I was stronger for you and I would gladly die in your place. I love you, sweetheart.
You dad wasn't there for your death but he was for hers on the phone and web cam. I miss you both so much. I miss Alex as my best friend. I tried to called him about you but he was so fallen he couldn't answer. He didn't find out about you till last year. He is so sorry and wishes he had the right words to say. (Told me in a IM) He loves you just can't show it well cause of all his demons which he has to deal on his own.
*hugs* We love and miss you.
---------------
*sighs* It's still very hard and I wasn't ready to be a mother. I am still mad/sad at Alex and has very right to be.
I actually hate the ex after me more cause she yelled at me while carrying Snow saying it's my fault and the rape was my fault too. She is a year younger than me and with better person now, Gabby who lives in NY. Still she saw him after knowing he raped me and I threaten him I would call the cops sooner if he tried anything. She was suicidal and threaten to kill herself if Alex didn't see her. Like I said he asked to see me again, of course I said no over and over. Worst on it was gonna be on the week of my mom's b-day. I never saw him again for real and knew the baby for real longer than him.
He did to an ex before Molly grabbed her breast at their friend's wedding and forced kiss her. Worst this was two weeks after he saw Gabby, (again she never knew anything till I told her and the government said she had nothing to do with Alex really nor me or our baby. No she didn't know fully but you know our hearts know it.)
Anyway Molly who is Alex's age pushed him away and said not to ruin her friend's wedding for her. (Go Molly!) He just cursed at her and threw his keys down (never did that with me Snow, swear, but still bad boy daddy is. I told before you were made that he was a bad example to your cousins. Sadly this not all he did wrong and we know that baby. *hugs* ) Glad Molly learned like me and stay away from him. She hopes the best the for all of us and for us to heal. She tells me remembers God's judgement. I know I never condamed my fellow man, only love them and our judge is our Lord Jesus Christ.
Be careful on the web. Aye what sad tale and mess. Thank you for reading and this helps me a lot to tell. :D
Alex hope you change and such. Also take better care of yourself, you must do so before others.
Snow, I love you and who your daddy is doesn't matter. You are you and I am happy for you and that I am your mommy. Be happy and love all, Snow. Heaven needed you. We are who we are. The person matters not the background.
God is our father who art in Heaven. I know he will raise you best he can. ^_^
Anyway I idea to write all this: http://namingthechild.com/
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
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