Manga convention and remembering the past

Hopefully going to Manganext, a manga convention in Somerset, New Jersey. This weekend.


*giggles* On this: Gonna try and cosplay Mutsumi from Love Hina...yeah that's what friend wants me to cosplay as. I've wanted to cosplay her anyway XD..this will be my 2nd Con. LOL and the 1st one I will cosplay at.

Tehehehehe at the con I have to kiss random people boy or girl if they are okay with it cause that's part of the character I'm cosplaying..I will do it cause people dare me...and I rarely back down from a promise or dare.

Aww dares..when I was six a boy was killing these poor lil frogs at the creek by burying them in the sand and mushing them...so I went up to him and asked how I can make him stop He dared me to kiss one. So I did and said afterwards " Now you kiss it. "
LOL he ran off....growing up a lot of guys wonder why kind of girl am I...LOL Well, at least he stopped. Yeah...Another time when the neighborhood boys where chasing us neighborhood girls with squirt guns...I would just run and sneak around with a jar/bucket of water...and *smirks* LOL the boys were more soaked than the girls ever were. Yeah the neighborhood guys had it for me..LOL I'm so hard to catch...but in elementary I had guy friends...1st my best friend was a boy...LOL never went though boys are gross stage...did go though a Dino stage XD Along with the Barbie doll stage...had 21 I think along with my sisters
Still have all the Dinos....and most of the Barbies XD Donated some.

^_^ I love seeing children playing with Dinosaurs and Barbies...especially at the same time... Tehehe My Little Pony Stage was well.

Beverly Hills Chihuahua

Saw a movie Thursday ..with lil sister Rachel and a friend from church
Beverly Hills Chihuahua. It was cute movie..I liked it
yeah it's good cause only see about one movie per year. XD

Still looking for another job along with my own...LOL need to put more heart into it like I did with school...yup come this spring I'll be in college...and maybe with 2 jobs. XD

I'm sad cause Thomas, my big brother still in CA, can't visit in winter like did last year and the year before.

I rarely did talk to them.

These are people I rarely talk to
they don't know me... nor ever will.

Playing WOW and I'm sick of the few jerks who don't care about my health..I'm done with you.

Is my new IM message.

Anyway the girl is a mermaid is more human than these people I know boy or girl.

I hate blocking people but...if they don't care...they don't care.

I know if I guy cares if they let me go without a fight to sleep....eat be human! Damn I'm tried of it. To lie down cause otherwise something very bad will happen.

I'm tried of being treating inhumane by a few people

A friend Rob says: if they could care less, then you should return the sentiment.

I agree!

zeldagirl86@hotmail.com says: (10:30:00 AM)
I said made mistakes as well I'm human...but look who is doing most of the name calling...All I called him was a jerk and look there he's proving it
robert_ says: (10:30:08 AM)
with some people, you never really can tell what's going on inside that skull of theirs
zeldagirl86@hotmail.com says: (10:30:15 AM)
True
zeldagirl86@hotmail.com says: (10:30:35 AM)
and with my mind it can blank and shut down if get's too much
zeldagirl86@hotmail.com says: (10:30:51 AM)
combo of things...lack of sleep and food
zeldagirl86@hotmail.com says: (10:31:11 AM)
plus then do a physiological thing 
zeldagirl86@hotmail.com says: (10:31:22 AM)
*shakes head*

Is gonna be with people who actually care from on,

A women I just met a Church...(she's a neice of a friend) thought I was the sweetest lil girl...and gave me a ring off her finger. A sliver one with a red stone. She said even though I hate rings...you should get use them..I wore it most the day. I said oh no you don't have to..I'm gonna draw her a unicorn drawing. ^_^

*hugs*

Goals

Goals are: get another job along with my stable hand one...go back to school..yay college this spring!
and move back to California with in a year or two

Take each day one step at a time.

Water

Email to him

show details Sep 29

Reply


the waves of rain that now fall, so like the waves of pain that pulse through my soul. the past that echoes evil, the future it bellows death.... but what? what is this rain in my life? just as it reminds me of all this pain... one drop, it is as beautiful as the joy of any hope...

SeaSaria: Ohh that's soo good...you should post at DA.
Caemon2: :-) I actually smiled. my face almost forgot that feeling
Caemon2: well, I am glad to have shared it. I don't share my insides like that with people I can't trust
SeaSaria: You should smiled more often...I'm glad I trust you...and me you.
Caemon2: I'm thinking, and wondering why I don't.
Caemon2: sure I've been hurt in my life, but anyone can get beyond pain
Caemon2: so why don't I smile? it makes no sense
Caemon2: answer: smiling is not about being alright, it's about having joy


I am of water and sky and only the truth can set me free.

Two minds of ways apart.




I do..that's why I love ocean..it's so clam and relaxing
this is who I am
Caemon2
I love the ocean!
and I love you..sooo
I am about the quiet meditative reflection
Caemon2
And I'm the wave that make into our reflection
of eachothers soul
oceans are such a beautiful thing to me.... we need to talk about lots of things in nature....
Caemon2
we need to walk in nature
Caemon2
Totally agrees!
I loved that wave analogy you just pulled.... that was beautiful
Caemon2
I've never met a woman who could reflect off what I say like that
Caemon2
I want our our 1st date to be a day the beach
Wow
Really?
honestly I consider most women rather unintelligent
Caemon2
What?!! *grrrrr*
*Bites your ear*
Not hard but still


LOL I did volient side. Who am I? A girl who will really is like water. She slips from your hands...the more you try to hold. She move fighten of her power. The sea knocks you around...making you feel stronger..but when you least expect it knocks you down. Clam and relaxing yet furry if not seen

There's more to it than mets the eye

When I last spoke to Alex
I said only him and me will know the story
and that's how it will be

I said I wanted it to end. *runs* and he said Ok. I'll agree. Bye.

^_^



someone like Maria - Complete Piece
I haven't submitted anything in a long time. I'm actually writing the description just before writing the work, but I think it'll have something to do with the limbo I feel and the longing for that peace I know I can experience in life.
An eternity has passed,
No time has gone by
But six months have transpired,
...Not even half a year in God's eyes.
Where have I been?
From where have I gone?
In time, I could remember those,
But where, do I belong?
I sit tonight in a darkness soft,
As promise waits tomorrow.
I see it, an invisible covenant.
-What form does my future hold?
It is not for wealth that I cry,
Not fame or glory or any of the sky.
But to be loved by someone like my Maria,
Yes, I would proudly give life another try.


Alex wrote me poetry
a lot of it the 1st year
I don't understand

I will post all it finished the drawing and then be done with it...Time move on...and then move on to a new blog. One that has no mention of my ex again.

__________________

I did these pieces to him Sept. 29 , 2008 by email


A bitter Sea is what my name means...
but what part of me is bitter..
a name of light...but closer you are to the light...
great your shadow become..
I'm still a lil girl inside yet I give advice to many.

I gone to far from my homeland.
I can never go back in a way. This boy who is more emotional than me
made so I could cry tears. No just a few but a lot.
I am Mary Helen..or Maria Elena.
...

A time pasted.not in any sense..
Has it stoped..I dance alone.
A mirror sharred. or in pieces.
I know where I belong.
Where ever the road God takes me.
I am safe there, I am home.
No love is greater, no love is stronger
To future it matters not...
only the here and now
I have know the future
it's best to let be.
No matter where I roam..I take the memerioes
and they will guide but never
look back or be ruled...
I cry for a heart that has not know.
Dance alone. but someone will smile on me.
Who be matters not.. just that I made them smile
And that is the part of me that is of joy.
Doesn't matter how badly I dance or good...it made
a person smile. Even when I fell...like strings cut.
I got back up again and danced.
I will stand in the sun light
step a side
and ask you to dance your own way...
and I will smile upon you
Heart will be healed.
Yes, life is surely a thing one must try.
*hugs*

Crosses

Oh yeah Joey gave me a flower cross and a Adventure of Link, Linkfigure for Christmas that year...wet met in 2004. I still have them and kept them close always together..and that Link went with me while I was in MA. ^_^ I will wear it this Sunday.

I the cross Alex touched and stared at for 2 min before trying to kiss me
hmmm where is it? Lost it about 3 months after met him in room somewhere. Did not brother to find it. I should find it though my mother gave to me when I was 14 or so.

Flirting a lot with one guy but he cares about my health and tells me to sleep when I need to. It's so nice.

Ex I sprained my ankel while I was there and he noticed the limp and he said nothing until the next week.

Sorry I talking too much about, let it out the poison..never let touch it you again.

I rather kiss a rattle snake than my ex. I told Gabby it was easier to deal with a lose horse or a rattler than him. Too true.

Oh yeah Alex+Maria= Maria has to go the ER.

And the pic before hand..no ex there..happy.

Henry the boy I met in college LOL I wasn't over him.. we just held hands, he walked me to my parent's car. :) I acted like Henry while I was there..Alex liked it?! O_o I'm still waking up from what I was in. I couldn't get over Henry while Alex looking similar to him.

I wish I dated in California more or in highschool when I was well
I would never met Alex or many others...if I didn't have the seizures which thank goodness I don't.

Hey have a brain problem/damage XD.

Horses and Happiness

I'm working better at my job. I'm smiling more again.

I did well for my 3rd riding lesson. Posture better...legs still wobbly when I go into the jump position.

Just started last month Step. 8, 2008. Also I hadn't ridden in more than a week, I remembered things well.

and something I drew a few days ago:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v519/sagesaria/Spkapf.jpg

LOL draw what is missing in your life and inculde you..drew that at the hospital
I thought of my siblings..that Oct. 6 Day. beach..everyone is in fav.color.
and school. Notice parents aren't in the picture. I hope to independent one day.

What would make you happy. :)

Yay!

*hugs* Oneday I'll shut up about him XD
that's what I really need to do


I'll forget stuff but remember...over time...my heart will heal and be come stronger than ever before.

I'm off to my counselling session. :)

I have a livejournal as well. :)

http://seasaria.livejournal.com/

and I have to do more on this site: http://www.care2.com/c2c/people/profile.html?pid=221016792

Dear friends. Family.

I may delete some of these posts. To protect my ex again. Yet again I need to speak out.

He gave me a friend that I hold very dear to my heart. A friend from college his college days...I needed a friend of his..that became a friend of mine. :)

I told what I wanted...what I tought. I wanted to always run in the end. :) I thank you for not betraying my trust.

*hugs*

Thanks Beth for the advice and helping get it me get over with it. :)

*hugs*

That was the best thing he ever gave me and I hope she always stays his friend. ^_^ Make sure he stays far away from me :).

Thank you so much for being there Joey as well. Rob for calling him...that took guts and lol they called my brother..well guess you are now. *hugs* Thomas my real brother for hugging and drying my tears and seeing Alex way before me.

Never could done much without you all you. Everyone for advice..hope...love...thank you...Alex you as well you loved me in some way, but not enough or in the right way. Nah but you still are so sick.

*hugs* Thank you.

*sighs*

I was contacting him again to prove how much a jerk he really is.
I told my plan to a few friends.
but I should never hurt myself, I just had enough and that's okay.

I need final closure not a bye with a but but I want you...miss you...etc.... from him. I finally got it last night. Just Goodbye..it felt so good. Yeah but what at cost?

When I was saying Good bye, I meant it and wanted it.

She disappeared...she disappeared for months and was sad but happy.

She dated others...those men thought her what real caring is. :) Even if they a few were flings.

I'm okay and will be.

His name is on file at the hospital...but I never would want him to go to jail...that's why I asked you to be there Alex...uh..
Jerk. Well in college he had a restriction order and that's enough for me.

Please change one day and stop hurting women.

I got away *hugs*

Finally after 4 years over...damn ex... you will never fuck with me or my mind again :)

Yay!!

No love. No where.

cause he didn't tell her...I told her
again uh
he's cheating
damn

Friend just says typical.

I'm not part of this cycle again and I went to the hospital to stop it. That many and other reasons.

I was once in love with him so long ago...but it died. It died and I said no last summer and you should left me a lone when I needed. No I don't love you I just wanted a Goodbye. Wasn't that shown in all those emails?

He contacted me while I was in CA last year and I was like wft I told not to contact especially while I was on Vaccation last year?!

I cired for two hours that July 3rd 2007...saying that bastard...that bastard.

And what kind of guy askes of those kinds of pics/videos of a girl a few days out the hospital. Sick. Just sick.

Alex James Arcisz I thought at 17 what kind of weirdo are you?

Well you're an asshole. A girl has a right to call if you kept her half nudes and I thank you for deleting them. You are sick.

This will take a long time forgive you...but I will never speak to you again.

Me:
meh he got me at 17
Friend:
you're too sweet
not to snatch
Me:
lol
that's a young trusting age
true
Friend: indeed
he took it and he
courputed it
and worst he saw that
and told me
I have the IMs up to this year but most was phone
I will always keep them to show how I was and to remind myself
never to that innocent and stupid again
*hugs*

I will never be that...I learned my lesson well...Oh listens to Midonna. XD

I got away...I'm glad it was only 3 days...I got away. :)

Friends away on IM

“Be yourself, don't take anyone's shit, and never let them take you alive.”
-Gerard Way

and

adults are made out of children




_______________

Interesting :D

and one I really need to follow XD LOL

2 chess games

I hadn't played chess since Sophomore year high school in the Chess club and only won two games there out the accouple I played there. I was only girl in that Club that year. I played again this week..against two people have played much recently...I like how you play the game not whatever win or lose. Both games I made so the queens were gone. It's much more harder.

I only played two games. Both were great and lasted quite a bit. I'm surprised how much I remembered on the game.
I won both but people I played with were the ones that mattered. ^_^

Don't be afraid say his name or don't protect him anymore

One things people been telling is to have a voice. Say the name Alex James Arcisz. Tell your story. Post it...it's better than taking it out on yourself. I'm breaking the cycle Alex. I think a lot and have many thoughts. Type them down.


1. No I did no like Alex grabbing me while I was trying to sleep. Kept knocking hand away. His answer was could you blame me? Yeah that's cause I'm a small 4 ft women 11 with big breast and you're a jerk.

I'll posting one thing I don't like and then one thing I did.

2. I wanted to take walk in the woods... should of. I glad though I mostly gamed over there.

I was glad it was only 3 days. It was happening to fast for me and fell apart when I turned away when tried to kiss me me...response..feel my breast? Then force kisses me. That was my 1st kiss in 15 years.....at least the 5 year old waited till I was ready. I just gave him the saddest look ever. You knew of my past Alex. He still surprised I never did slap him. I'm am too.

I really needed to say Fuck you Alex, and leave.

I gave him chance this year and on web cam he was still grabby.

I did cry that wanted to go home.....I said that in the ambulance about the trip to see him...the story spilled. They understood a lot women go though stuff like this sadly...I'm a smart one to know when to run....problem is to kept running! Don't look back girl. You were a smart girl in 2005 when you grew distance between Alex.

They delete their numbers before your pics that are half nude, the Emergency Room Personal *nods* in the ambulance.

Oh well bad stuff happpens.

Yeah people say I wouldn't give the time of day to Alex. I really shouldn't..I have been too kind.

:)

Also people can't say much when they barely know you.

I was treated mostly for post traumatic stress and mostly stress. No anti depressants, just something to clam down...just made me really drowsily. A lot has happen over the past two years and like I said I bottle things up.

I'm alright

Spend 8 days in the hospital but alright :). Surprisedly I was more inquired last year in MA. I called 911 on myself Wed. Oct 1 ,2001 They had me stay in a unit to make sure I was alright and told me everyone breaks down and it was good that I poured the major stuff down the skin. I'm the Chemist daughter, I know stuff sadly. I needed it, time away. On the past no he didn't tell her until I emailed him about it also he lied about it. He's also a jerk that Alex. I'm glad didn't speak to him via IM when he offered the Sunday before the last. I feel like I shall never speak to him again. Especially with help some new friends. :D

I like that I live near a hospital with a behavioral unit. I met a lot people...and people say I'm people person...yeah a lot people where draw to me.

Especially one that tells me that a girl that calls a guy a she's barely met her husband is the one living in a fantasy. Common the guy hits on exes? Sick.


It was more than that that drove me..family problems..bottling stuff up. I'm okay and I'm glad people love and care so much about me. I have a great life and I knew that before, that's why I never went to far and stopped myself and called 911.

My family saw everyday there and I glad I get help when I need it. People said I did the right thing run and but this time don't look back.

I hate that my ex doesn't block me unless I yelled him for to. ^^;; I don't need to be around insane people.

This is so wrong. This is from a dark period in my life

IM IM with ladyavry
5/24/06, 10:41 PM
ladyavry: hey..
Maria Frantz: hello Gabby *hugs*
Maria Frantz: how are you?
ladyavry: *hugs back* Not very well, but life moves
on...
ladyavry: How are you?
Maria Frantz: fine..
ladyavry: Good..
Maria Frantz: yes life moves on.
Maria Frantz: I hope you feel better
ladyavry: heh... I will once I refind myself and get
past the anger burning inside of me.
ladyavry: Then there is the aftershock of emptiness
eating me from the inside out, but in the end who
cares... I'll keep breathing so being misrable really
doesn't matter so long as I can atleast do that much.
Maria Frantz: I'm watching Now and Then...that's good
10:45 PM
Maria Frantz: heard you got real mad at Alex and
blocked him..that's okay.
ladyavry: Alex refuses to pull his head from his
ass... and I refuse to keep playing so it's his loss.
Maria Frantz: boy was wrong to cheat...I agree in some
ways
ladyavry: ... *hugs her arms* hope he wakes up each
morning and I haunt his damn mind... jerk..
ladyavry: and don't tell him I am saying this to you
either...
ladyavry: I don't even want him to know I am around...
Maria Frantz: I will not
ladyavry: he doesn't deserve to know...
ladyavry: You know he told me he loved me?.. yeah..
wanted to be with me... the local girl was just a
friend, that is all he wanted and he didn't want to be
with you.
ladyavry: I asked him time and time again "why are you
pushing me away"...
ladyavry: still didn't get a damn answer...
ladyavry: so he lost me.
ladyavry: For good..
Maria Frantz: and he does desevre that
Maria Frantz: lol the lier
Maria Frantz: talking to him now...
ladyavry: he has me blocked...
ladyavry: which I don't care either way...
Maria Frantz: I know..he doesn't pull things on me...
Maria Frantz: which is good.
Maria Frantz: I knew he was cheating from the start
yet I stayed.
ladyavry: if he ever tries, do yoruself a favor, punch
him before he even gets started... he's a jackass that
knows nothing about what love really is..
Maria Frantz: he's thinking about a lot ...oh I do
that
ladyavry: I asked him to be with me and he attacked me
as if I was trying to get him to marry me.. but he
wasn't even willing to be just a boyfriend...
ladyavry: it's like he just can't tell other girls
"no"...
ladyavry: he's a cheater and a lier...
ladyavry: he deserves to be alone..
10:50 PM
Maria Frantz: actually he friends with them now
Maria Frantz: and one is very slient to him
Maria Frantz: there is a total of 4 girls...including
me
Maria Frantz: *was
ladyavry: and you actually believe him when he says
"just friends" ?... didn't he damn well say that when
"who is she" was brought up?
ladyavry: it was with me..
ladyavry: "just friends"...
ladyavry: come to find out he was screwing them...
Maria Frantz: I'm friends with him...and
Maria Frantz: I'm trying to make come clean
Maria Frantz: I get totally different boy
ladyavry: *rubs her face hard*...
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
ladyavry: *hugs back*...
ladyavry: he probably doesn't even care I left... he
never really loved me...
ladyavry: everything was just a lie...
Maria Frantz: oh seriously Alex gets really sorry if
he lies to me and he know how big a mistake he made.
10:55 PM
Maria Frantz: so sad but true...he did care though
ladyavry: sure... he cared... he pushed me away.. made
me leave... one person I wanted to be with I can never
talk to again...
ladyavry: real care right there...
Maria Frantz: I know
Maria Frantz: that's really bad what he did.
Maria Frantz: *sighs* he sould never cheated on me.. I
was 1st. I had him for 2 months to all myself..then
cheated and I knew as soon as possible cause he had
trouble saying I love you.
Maria Frantz: he often came to me asking for help on
trying to be commented
ladyavry: ..*tapping her pocket knife on the desk*..
Maria Frantz: that kind of thing you can only learn by
yourself.,
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
Maria Frantz: you are nice person and this doesn't
make any less of a person
11:00 PM
Maria Frantz: the greatest thing you ever learn is to
love and to be loved in return
ladyavry: ...love sucks.
Maria Frantz: you'll find the right guy oneday.
Maria Frantz: no don't think that
Maria Frantz: real true love doesn't
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
ladyavry: I don't believe in true love... not any
more...
Maria Frantz: don't let this drag you down
ladyavry: love sucks, men suck.. humans suck..
ladyavry: you suffer and then you die...
ladyavry: knowing every one you so much as even tried
to love, never loved you back...
Maria Frantz: not all man are bad!
ladyavry: you ask him.. "did you love her" "do you
miss her" "where is she"..
Maria Frantz: what about Nate?
ladyavry: there is nothing left..
ladyavry: I do not want to be with nate...
Maria Frantz: I know he's just a friend
Maria Frantz: I just
ladyavry: he likes you...
Maria Frantz: don't want you to be like this.
Maria Frantz: really? *sighs* well I'm enjoying single
life
Maria Frantz: I like being that
Maria Frantz: cause I get so many men after me.
11:05 PM
ladyavry: I have jack shit... *raises her arms* *puts
her knife back in her pocket* it all sucks, it's how I
feel and it's how I am.. no one loves me, no one
cares... he will never miss me enough to call to even
want to try to talk.. he doesn't care and he never
has, or will... end of the story, one with no happy
ending.
ladyavry: just a sad girl, working until she has the
nerve to pull the trigger..
ladyavry: people find her, cry for a day, burry her,
move on...
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
ladyavry: it happens out there every day, it's just
waiting to happen here..
Maria Frantz: don't think like this.
Maria Frantz: please people care and love you
Maria Frantz: God loves you.
ladyavry: I know he does... I never doubted that..
Maria Frantz: you would be greaty missed...that good
ladyavry: no I wouldn't... I've been gone what.. a
week? no one said a word... I could just dissapear and
no one would notice until one day it hit them. "where
is gabe?"..
ladyavry: where is gabe?... not even I know anymore..
ladyavry: she died when alex ripped out her heart...
there is nothing left here for me... and I hate it
most he will never know what happens now..
ladyavry: *rubs her face*...
ladyavry: I'm out of here...
Maria Frantz: I noticed you
Maria Frantz: I would miss you
Maria Frantz: you're my friend
Maria Frantz:
ladyavry: ..*rubs her face hard*..
11:10 PM
Maria Frantz: I would
ladyavry: because you'd know...
Maria Frantz: I want us to met this summer.
ladyavry: I'm about to kill myself...
ladyavry: I wish it were easier to say it's his
fault... but what good is that since he will never
know what happened...
ladyavry: *pushes her hair back, sighing*...
Maria Frantz: Gabby no!
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
Maria Frantz: God says no killing
Maria Frantz: and
Maria Frantz: that's the not the right way
Maria Frantz: please my older sister almost killed
herself when she I was 15
Maria Frantz: with my mom's pills
Maria Frantz: don't do it
Maria Frantz: it leads to bigger messes *hugs and gets
teary eye*
Maria Frantz: Gabby?
11:15 PM
Maria Frantz: you know what I do when I'm depressed? I
write, I draw and help out people...even strangers
Maria Frantz: you're young you have a lot to live for.
Maria Frantz: I know guys will like you.
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
ladyavry: ..*rubs her face, hugging back a little*...
Maria Frantz: it's Alex's lost and his fault it
ended...don't let this get to you.
ladyavry: it's his fault it ended... I loved him more
then my own freakin' life...
Maria Frantz: I want you show to him. I know.
ladyavry: I can't talk to him.. I can't call him... I
can't gonear him...
Maria Frantz: I know
ladyavry: I've had enough...
Maria Frantz: it hurts too damn much
Maria Frantz: don't
Maria Frantz: hell isn't nice...no killing yourself.
ladyavry: hell isn't nice... welcome to my life at
this very point in time.
Maria Frantz: too you desevre better...
ladyavry: loaded on god only knows what..
Maria Frantz: oh dear
Maria Frantz: please reconsider
ladyavry: you do something for me...
ladyavry: you tell him, I said, Goodbye...
Maria Frantz: yes? anything..
ladyavry: no explainations..
ladyavry: just say it...
11:20 PM
ladyavry: I didn't get to say it to him...
Maria Frantz: I will...and that you loved him but
please call this call this 1-800-suicide
(800-784-2433)
Maria Frantz: I'm trying my best to understand and
listen
Maria Frantz: remember he broke my heart too. *hugs*
ladyavry: just tell him for me...
ladyavry: I need to go now... go somewhere...
Maria Frantz: he's not there...video gaming...he'll be
brb.
Maria Frantz: *sighs*
ladyavry: just tell him...
Maria Frantz: I will when he returns
ladyavry: he sits right there...
ladyavry: I don't wait that long...
Maria Frantz: I did
Maria Frantz: and Gabby please don't do this
Maria Frantz: I have read your work
Maria Frantz: you have tatent
ladyavry: *rubs her face*... ngh... I'm gone... have a
good life, maria... keep kicking the crap out of guys
and things for me... stay happy... stay.. mariaish...
Maria Frantz: you have soo many things
Maria Frantz: I will please live. *cires*
Maria Frantz: don't die
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
11:25 PM
Maria Frantz: you will be missed
Maria Frantz: very
Maria Frantz: you love your brother...family right?
Maria Frantz: please
Maria Frantz: *your
Maria Frantz: they do care and love you.
ladyavry: maria.... I need to go to the hospital....
just make sure alex knows what I said... keep your
head up... I will... find a way to contact you... when
I don't know... but sometime... don't let nate get too
cheeky... I know how he works about zelda fans..
ladyavry: men and their games.... friggiin nuts..
Maria Frantz: you have my sister's cell number and my
home phone is (949) ___________
ladyavry: yeah...
Maria Frantz: I know
Maria Frantz: besides I only like Nate as a friend
Maria Frantz: cause
Maria Frantz: I got too many choices.
Maria Frantz: you're beautiful Gabby
Maria Frantz: and you will be happy one day
ladyavry: heh... guess we'll find out....
ladyavry: goodbye maria...
Maria Frantz: oh Alex will know...and if I ever met
him he will get two slaps... for you and me
Maria Frantz: really hard ones
11:30 PM
ladyavry: heh.... I hope he knows what blood is on his
hands right now... 8rubs her face* slaps... alex....
I'm going...
ladyavry: really...
Maria Frantz: just please don't hurt yourself.
Maria Frantz: trust me he doesn't want you to do that
ladyavry: ..that comments a bit late...
ladyavry: thus my needing a hospital.... at which
point I need to go...
Maria Frantz: oh http://www.yellowribbonsd.org/
Maria Frantz: go to the er...take care of yourself
ladyavry: yeah.... bye to you.. and alex... alex.. you
moron... hope his toe falls off... *rubs her face*....
Lady Avry has gone offline.
You left the chat.


***Years later...I'm in a mess I can't believe she says these things to me..I live in the real world have real friend who care. You don't say those things to another**.

----------------------------------------
> Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2008 05:16:28 -0700
> From: zeldagirl86@yahoo.com
> Subject: Too late. He never told.
> To: gcroz87@hotmail.com
>
> I go away premently I'm scared of Alex. I don't want sir any pot. I want him to say that he loves you and not the things he tells me. I called him Aug. 24 to say Good bye...to makes sure the pics are gone...then he tells contact him again if I don't have seizures...cause of it's my mind. Down right lie. Then he said if we alone together again, I problemly lose my virginty...do what I know I went though last year? I don't ever want to be like again...so much for protecting his image. That was calling about last year and he deletes his number before my pics? Doesn'tmatter...no he won't forget me. I don't like cause after all these years you should matter more to him. I should too. Respect exes man.
>
> So I went a while trying to have a seizure and couldn't.
> If he didn't tell about the call, I always fear what he will never tell you ever.
>
> and not that you matter. I asked on the with Gabby...doesn't matter? A girl matters! Should of said doesn't concer you.
>
> Gabby I hurt myself because I had
>
> Two I know now he has to go away and he not telling you things is never good.
> I tell you about Molly and Chris and where do know his life? He asked out her last year...he never told you about her, until I did...he is still recovering from that.
>
> I want him to find a girl that will he will move me on from. He's proved too well you're not the one. He isn't has happy as he could be and you know it. Me? I have been too ...sick of it all.
>
> If didn't tell you this I fear the future with you. I don't like how he has indifferent..not caring your going away it's not right...not right at all.
>
> Part me wants to be treated like the other girls.
>
> I was hurting myself and he reacts so much differently from the times you do.
>
> Please Gabby you're one is out there. He will love you like you never know.
>
> If doesn't tell he won't okay?
>
> I just don't him want to want anymore...I have nightmares...did he tell you how afraid I was when 1st started talking again?
>
> Or how jumpy I am with any guy?
>
> He should never used my own past agisnt me to get my pics. I was never smiling in them.
>
> Never asked should me 1st to visit you. I was scared of course I said no. I know that hurt him...but I was, I couldn't trust him.
>
> Still going but both of you hiding the fact that you are dating to the world?
>
> Maybe I shouldn't contacted I'll get no help here. *hugs*
>
>
> And my sudical temps are lame....I keep throwing the object knife hammer pision away. Or if I cut myself I no blood is drawn. Good girl.
>
> I never want that heavy of period again..ever..I never want the Gynecologist to give me a paper on date rape again..I never wanted an ex who leave a girl that hurt and still keep the nudes of her. Thank god God answer my prayers and is whole compute crashed last year deleting everything.
>
> Alex will always be cursed in someway for what he has done and he knows it.
>
> Forget the pot....
>
> Break the girl.
>
> Not once has he said he was happy with you.
>
> Now I think I'll try another a temp at killing myself. I know it will fail....oh well I never want to be part of this mess ever..If I got heathier Alex was sure to contact me again and I would die.
>
> See ya Gabby
>
> Seems only thing that works is head banging. Hmm I can still ....
>


No one is impressed by whatever you say or try to do to yourself. We are happy without you and no matter what mistakes he made in the past he isn't making them now neither will be make them again and I know that in my heart. Each time he told me the truth so what you say isn't any surprise because I was already told and forgave. I wish you would go away now because this is just becoming childish. So this is my Goodbye to you ONCE AGAIN. Find a life Maria, try acting your age instead of your shoe size and living in a fairy tale world of fairies and green tights, this is reality and you need to grow up.

And so you know... I asked today even though I already knew the answer. Our 5 year anniversary is this December, we are a happy couple but thanks for the concern.

Gabriella:
Hey hun, can I ask you something, like truthfully?
Alex:
sure!
Gabriella:
Are you happy with me? just wondering...
Alex:
yes baby, I love you and I am happy with you, why?
Gabriella:
How much...
Alex:
much *arms apart*
Gabriella:
Just that much? :P
Alex:
can't reach :)
Gabriella:
I love you that much too. :)


Regards and Goodbye, Gabriella C.

-----------------


Don't talk to people who don't care.

I'm sick of it.

She mocked herself?

Be careful

There is bad and good everywhere net,school, real life. Be careful.