This is so wrong. This is from a dark period in my life

IM IM with ladyavry
5/24/06, 10:41 PM
ladyavry: hey..
Maria Frantz: hello Gabby *hugs*
Maria Frantz: how are you?
ladyavry: *hugs back* Not very well, but life moves
on...
ladyavry: How are you?
Maria Frantz: fine..
ladyavry: Good..
Maria Frantz: yes life moves on.
Maria Frantz: I hope you feel better
ladyavry: heh... I will once I refind myself and get
past the anger burning inside of me.
ladyavry: Then there is the aftershock of emptiness
eating me from the inside out, but in the end who
cares... I'll keep breathing so being misrable really
doesn't matter so long as I can atleast do that much.
Maria Frantz: I'm watching Now and Then...that's good
10:45 PM
Maria Frantz: heard you got real mad at Alex and
blocked him..that's okay.
ladyavry: Alex refuses to pull his head from his
ass... and I refuse to keep playing so it's his loss.
Maria Frantz: boy was wrong to cheat...I agree in some
ways
ladyavry: ... *hugs her arms* hope he wakes up each
morning and I haunt his damn mind... jerk..
ladyavry: and don't tell him I am saying this to you
either...
ladyavry: I don't even want him to know I am around...
Maria Frantz: I will not
ladyavry: he doesn't deserve to know...
ladyavry: You know he told me he loved me?.. yeah..
wanted to be with me... the local girl was just a
friend, that is all he wanted and he didn't want to be
with you.
ladyavry: I asked him time and time again "why are you
pushing me away"...
ladyavry: still didn't get a damn answer...
ladyavry: so he lost me.
ladyavry: For good..
Maria Frantz: and he does desevre that
Maria Frantz: lol the lier
Maria Frantz: talking to him now...
ladyavry: he has me blocked...
ladyavry: which I don't care either way...
Maria Frantz: I know..he doesn't pull things on me...
Maria Frantz: which is good.
Maria Frantz: I knew he was cheating from the start
yet I stayed.
ladyavry: if he ever tries, do yoruself a favor, punch
him before he even gets started... he's a jackass that
knows nothing about what love really is..
Maria Frantz: he's thinking about a lot ...oh I do
that
ladyavry: I asked him to be with me and he attacked me
as if I was trying to get him to marry me.. but he
wasn't even willing to be just a boyfriend...
ladyavry: it's like he just can't tell other girls
"no"...
ladyavry: he's a cheater and a lier...
ladyavry: he deserves to be alone..
10:50 PM
Maria Frantz: actually he friends with them now
Maria Frantz: and one is very slient to him
Maria Frantz: there is a total of 4 girls...including
me
Maria Frantz: *was
ladyavry: and you actually believe him when he says
"just friends" ?... didn't he damn well say that when
"who is she" was brought up?
ladyavry: it was with me..
ladyavry: "just friends"...
ladyavry: come to find out he was screwing them...
Maria Frantz: I'm friends with him...and
Maria Frantz: I'm trying to make come clean
Maria Frantz: I get totally different boy
ladyavry: *rubs her face hard*...
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
ladyavry: *hugs back*...
ladyavry: he probably doesn't even care I left... he
never really loved me...
ladyavry: everything was just a lie...
Maria Frantz: oh seriously Alex gets really sorry if
he lies to me and he know how big a mistake he made.
10:55 PM
Maria Frantz: so sad but true...he did care though
ladyavry: sure... he cared... he pushed me away.. made
me leave... one person I wanted to be with I can never
talk to again...
ladyavry: real care right there...
Maria Frantz: I know
Maria Frantz: that's really bad what he did.
Maria Frantz: *sighs* he sould never cheated on me.. I
was 1st. I had him for 2 months to all myself..then
cheated and I knew as soon as possible cause he had
trouble saying I love you.
Maria Frantz: he often came to me asking for help on
trying to be commented
ladyavry: ..*tapping her pocket knife on the desk*..
Maria Frantz: that kind of thing you can only learn by
yourself.,
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
Maria Frantz: you are nice person and this doesn't
make any less of a person
11:00 PM
Maria Frantz: the greatest thing you ever learn is to
love and to be loved in return
ladyavry: ...love sucks.
Maria Frantz: you'll find the right guy oneday.
Maria Frantz: no don't think that
Maria Frantz: real true love doesn't
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
ladyavry: I don't believe in true love... not any
more...
Maria Frantz: don't let this drag you down
ladyavry: love sucks, men suck.. humans suck..
ladyavry: you suffer and then you die...
ladyavry: knowing every one you so much as even tried
to love, never loved you back...
Maria Frantz: not all man are bad!
ladyavry: you ask him.. "did you love her" "do you
miss her" "where is she"..
Maria Frantz: what about Nate?
ladyavry: there is nothing left..
ladyavry: I do not want to be with nate...
Maria Frantz: I know he's just a friend
Maria Frantz: I just
ladyavry: he likes you...
Maria Frantz: don't want you to be like this.
Maria Frantz: really? *sighs* well I'm enjoying single
life
Maria Frantz: I like being that
Maria Frantz: cause I get so many men after me.
11:05 PM
ladyavry: I have jack shit... *raises her arms* *puts
her knife back in her pocket* it all sucks, it's how I
feel and it's how I am.. no one loves me, no one
cares... he will never miss me enough to call to even
want to try to talk.. he doesn't care and he never
has, or will... end of the story, one with no happy
ending.
ladyavry: just a sad girl, working until she has the
nerve to pull the trigger..
ladyavry: people find her, cry for a day, burry her,
move on...
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
ladyavry: it happens out there every day, it's just
waiting to happen here..
Maria Frantz: don't think like this.
Maria Frantz: please people care and love you
Maria Frantz: God loves you.
ladyavry: I know he does... I never doubted that..
Maria Frantz: you would be greaty missed...that good
ladyavry: no I wouldn't... I've been gone what.. a
week? no one said a word... I could just dissapear and
no one would notice until one day it hit them. "where
is gabe?"..
ladyavry: where is gabe?... not even I know anymore..
ladyavry: she died when alex ripped out her heart...
there is nothing left here for me... and I hate it
most he will never know what happens now..
ladyavry: *rubs her face*...
ladyavry: I'm out of here...
Maria Frantz: I noticed you
Maria Frantz: I would miss you
Maria Frantz: you're my friend
Maria Frantz:
ladyavry: ..*rubs her face hard*..
11:10 PM
Maria Frantz: I would
ladyavry: because you'd know...
Maria Frantz: I want us to met this summer.
ladyavry: I'm about to kill myself...
ladyavry: I wish it were easier to say it's his
fault... but what good is that since he will never
know what happened...
ladyavry: *pushes her hair back, sighing*...
Maria Frantz: Gabby no!
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
Maria Frantz: God says no killing
Maria Frantz: and
Maria Frantz: that's the not the right way
Maria Frantz: please my older sister almost killed
herself when she I was 15
Maria Frantz: with my mom's pills
Maria Frantz: don't do it
Maria Frantz: it leads to bigger messes *hugs and gets
teary eye*
Maria Frantz: Gabby?
11:15 PM
Maria Frantz: you know what I do when I'm depressed? I
write, I draw and help out people...even strangers
Maria Frantz: you're young you have a lot to live for.
Maria Frantz: I know guys will like you.
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
ladyavry: ..*rubs her face, hugging back a little*...
Maria Frantz: it's Alex's lost and his fault it
ended...don't let this get to you.
ladyavry: it's his fault it ended... I loved him more
then my own freakin' life...
Maria Frantz: I want you show to him. I know.
ladyavry: I can't talk to him.. I can't call him... I
can't gonear him...
Maria Frantz: I know
ladyavry: I've had enough...
Maria Frantz: it hurts too damn much
Maria Frantz: don't
Maria Frantz: hell isn't nice...no killing yourself.
ladyavry: hell isn't nice... welcome to my life at
this very point in time.
Maria Frantz: too you desevre better...
ladyavry: loaded on god only knows what..
Maria Frantz: oh dear
Maria Frantz: please reconsider
ladyavry: you do something for me...
ladyavry: you tell him, I said, Goodbye...
Maria Frantz: yes? anything..
ladyavry: no explainations..
ladyavry: just say it...
11:20 PM
ladyavry: I didn't get to say it to him...
Maria Frantz: I will...and that you loved him but
please call this call this 1-800-suicide
(800-784-2433)
Maria Frantz: I'm trying my best to understand and
listen
Maria Frantz: remember he broke my heart too. *hugs*
ladyavry: just tell him for me...
ladyavry: I need to go now... go somewhere...
Maria Frantz: he's not there...video gaming...he'll be
brb.
Maria Frantz: *sighs*
ladyavry: just tell him...
Maria Frantz: I will when he returns
ladyavry: he sits right there...
ladyavry: I don't wait that long...
Maria Frantz: I did
Maria Frantz: and Gabby please don't do this
Maria Frantz: I have read your work
Maria Frantz: you have tatent
ladyavry: *rubs her face*... ngh... I'm gone... have a
good life, maria... keep kicking the crap out of guys
and things for me... stay happy... stay.. mariaish...
Maria Frantz: you have soo many things
Maria Frantz: I will please live. *cires*
Maria Frantz: don't die
Maria Frantz: *hugs*
11:25 PM
Maria Frantz: you will be missed
Maria Frantz: very
Maria Frantz: you love your brother...family right?
Maria Frantz: please
Maria Frantz: *your
Maria Frantz: they do care and love you.
ladyavry: maria.... I need to go to the hospital....
just make sure alex knows what I said... keep your
head up... I will... find a way to contact you... when
I don't know... but sometime... don't let nate get too
cheeky... I know how he works about zelda fans..
ladyavry: men and their games.... friggiin nuts..
Maria Frantz: you have my sister's cell number and my
home phone is (949) ___________
ladyavry: yeah...
Maria Frantz: I know
Maria Frantz: besides I only like Nate as a friend
Maria Frantz: cause
Maria Frantz: I got too many choices.
Maria Frantz: you're beautiful Gabby
Maria Frantz: and you will be happy one day
ladyavry: heh... guess we'll find out....
ladyavry: goodbye maria...
Maria Frantz: oh Alex will know...and if I ever met
him he will get two slaps... for you and me
Maria Frantz: really hard ones
11:30 PM
ladyavry: heh.... I hope he knows what blood is on his
hands right now... 8rubs her face* slaps... alex....
I'm going...
ladyavry: really...
Maria Frantz: just please don't hurt yourself.
Maria Frantz: trust me he doesn't want you to do that
ladyavry: ..that comments a bit late...
ladyavry: thus my needing a hospital.... at which
point I need to go...
Maria Frantz: oh http://www.yellowribbonsd.org/
Maria Frantz: go to the er...take care of yourself
ladyavry: yeah.... bye to you.. and alex... alex.. you
moron... hope his toe falls off... *rubs her face*....
Lady Avry has gone offline.
You left the chat.


***Years later...I'm in a mess I can't believe she says these things to me..I live in the real world have real friend who care. You don't say those things to another**.

----------------------------------------
> Date: Tue, 30 Sep 2008 05:16:28 -0700
> From: zeldagirl86@yahoo.com
> Subject: Too late. He never told.
> To: gcroz87@hotmail.com
>
> I go away premently I'm scared of Alex. I don't want sir any pot. I want him to say that he loves you and not the things he tells me. I called him Aug. 24 to say Good bye...to makes sure the pics are gone...then he tells contact him again if I don't have seizures...cause of it's my mind. Down right lie. Then he said if we alone together again, I problemly lose my virginty...do what I know I went though last year? I don't ever want to be like again...so much for protecting his image. That was calling about last year and he deletes his number before my pics? Doesn'tmatter...no he won't forget me. I don't like cause after all these years you should matter more to him. I should too. Respect exes man.
>
> So I went a while trying to have a seizure and couldn't.
> If he didn't tell about the call, I always fear what he will never tell you ever.
>
> and not that you matter. I asked on the with Gabby...doesn't matter? A girl matters! Should of said doesn't concer you.
>
> Gabby I hurt myself because I had
>
> Two I know now he has to go away and he not telling you things is never good.
> I tell you about Molly and Chris and where do know his life? He asked out her last year...he never told you about her, until I did...he is still recovering from that.
>
> I want him to find a girl that will he will move me on from. He's proved too well you're not the one. He isn't has happy as he could be and you know it. Me? I have been too ...sick of it all.
>
> If didn't tell you this I fear the future with you. I don't like how he has indifferent..not caring your going away it's not right...not right at all.
>
> Part me wants to be treated like the other girls.
>
> I was hurting myself and he reacts so much differently from the times you do.
>
> Please Gabby you're one is out there. He will love you like you never know.
>
> If doesn't tell he won't okay?
>
> I just don't him want to want anymore...I have nightmares...did he tell you how afraid I was when 1st started talking again?
>
> Or how jumpy I am with any guy?
>
> He should never used my own past agisnt me to get my pics. I was never smiling in them.
>
> Never asked should me 1st to visit you. I was scared of course I said no. I know that hurt him...but I was, I couldn't trust him.
>
> Still going but both of you hiding the fact that you are dating to the world?
>
> Maybe I shouldn't contacted I'll get no help here. *hugs*
>
>
> And my sudical temps are lame....I keep throwing the object knife hammer pision away. Or if I cut myself I no blood is drawn. Good girl.
>
> I never want that heavy of period again..ever..I never want the Gynecologist to give me a paper on date rape again..I never wanted an ex who leave a girl that hurt and still keep the nudes of her. Thank god God answer my prayers and is whole compute crashed last year deleting everything.
>
> Alex will always be cursed in someway for what he has done and he knows it.
>
> Forget the pot....
>
> Break the girl.
>
> Not once has he said he was happy with you.
>
> Now I think I'll try another a temp at killing myself. I know it will fail....oh well I never want to be part of this mess ever..If I got heathier Alex was sure to contact me again and I would die.
>
> See ya Gabby
>
> Seems only thing that works is head banging. Hmm I can still ....
>


No one is impressed by whatever you say or try to do to yourself. We are happy without you and no matter what mistakes he made in the past he isn't making them now neither will be make them again and I know that in my heart. Each time he told me the truth so what you say isn't any surprise because I was already told and forgave. I wish you would go away now because this is just becoming childish. So this is my Goodbye to you ONCE AGAIN. Find a life Maria, try acting your age instead of your shoe size and living in a fairy tale world of fairies and green tights, this is reality and you need to grow up.

And so you know... I asked today even though I already knew the answer. Our 5 year anniversary is this December, we are a happy couple but thanks for the concern.

Gabriella:
Hey hun, can I ask you something, like truthfully?
Alex:
sure!
Gabriella:
Are you happy with me? just wondering...
Alex:
yes baby, I love you and I am happy with you, why?
Gabriella:
How much...
Alex:
much *arms apart*
Gabriella:
Just that much? :P
Alex:
can't reach :)
Gabriella:
I love you that much too. :)


Regards and Goodbye, Gabriella C.

-----------------


Don't talk to people who don't care.

I'm sick of it.

She mocked herself?